Diplomatic Immunity!

IT'S JUST BEEN REVOKED.

So...rather than do another 'Foreign Service on Screen' post, I thought I'd take a minute to examine this sticky little issue of diplomatic immunity. What is it, how do you get it, and why do we have it at all?

According to the Vienna Convention, all people accorded diplomatic status are inviolate in their persons and exempt from all laws and taxes of the host nation. This means they cannot be arrested, searched, or threatened.

Pretty neat, huh? This does NOT mean, in practice, that you have carte blanche. Rob banks, drive 90 in a 30 mile zone, shoot up heroin in the street and you might find yourself in trouble. For one thing, diplomatic immunity doesn't stop bullets. If someone acts in self-defense and shoots you, you're still dead. Even before it gets that serious your diplomatic privileges are still dependent on the host government and can be revoked at any time. Persona non grata exists for this very reason.

Diplomatic immunity was created as a means of protecting the messenger. If countries were afraid that their representatives would be harmed, they wouldn't be able to convey their messages clearly and accurately. When the Spartans threw the Persian ambassador down a well, their next ambassador altered and softened his message, and it became impossible for the Spartans to send their own ambassador to Xerxes.

I've never seen Lethal Weapon 2, but any diplomat who went around killing people would be taken down very quickly. Add to that, the diplomat in question was a consular diplomat. That doesn't necessarily mean he adjudicated visas; it means he was attached to a consulate rather than an embassy. This means that he didn't even have full diplomatic immunity; it only extended to actions related to his work duties. Shooting cops probably wasn't covered.

Do people abuse diplomatic immunity? Very much so. Most famously, in the millions of dollars in unpaid parking tickets around the United Nations.  Annoying as that may be, it is a necessary evil to protect the international system.

Puns Make the World Go Round

La Cucaracha

 
The things you learn in Area Studies...

Recognize him? It's General Victoriano Huerta, former dictator of Mexico. Killer of Francisco Madero, Mexico's first democratically elected president.  Betrayer of the Revolution. EVERYBODY in Mexico hated this guy.  He only lasted a couple of years, from 1913 to 1914.

He was the 'cockroach' which gave us the famous song. But I've often wondered why the lyrics go The cockroach, the cockroach / can't walk anymore/ because he lacks, he doesn't have / any marijuana to smoke. Doesn't marijuana make you more likely to lay around and eat Doritos than go on the march?

It's actually a classic case of mistaking cause for effect. Marijuana is noted for its calming affects and is sometimes prescribed for treating PTSD. As such, it was often smoked by soldiers to recover from battle. People who were unfamiliar with cannabis assumed that it was making the soldiers violent (which also gave us the movie Reefer Madness) and that they smoked it to rile themselves up.

EDIT: I have been informed that 'La Cucaracha' is a song of vague and uncertain origins and it probably had nothing to do with Huerta, though it later came to be identified with him, and the Mexican Revolution generally.

What is Diplomacy? Part II

ROSENCRANTZ: Who is the English King?

GUILDENSTERN: That depends on when we get there.

ROSENCRANTZ: What do you think [the letter] says? 

GUILDENSTERN:  Oh...greetings.  Expressions of loyalty. Asking of favours, calling in of debts. Obscure promises balanced by vague threats....Diplomacy.

- Tom Stoppard, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead

Area Studies

Occasionally curious people ask me: just what training do you need to become a diplomat?

The answer, like many things at the State Department, is 'It depends.' The main variables are your cone and country, which are the main things determining your responsibilities.

In general, there are three categories of instruction: area studies, language, and job training. Language is self-explanatory. Job training comes later. We begin with area studies.

Put simply, area studies is two weeks of history and culture relating to your post country and the region it belongs to, in my case Mexico and WHA (Western Hemisphere Affairs, encompassing the Americas and Caribbean).

So, how can you gain working knowledge of a country or region in only two weeks? Simple, YOU DON'T. The classes are meant to give you the most basic of backgrounds and point you in the general direction of further study.

The Foreign Service on Screen: Argo

"Argo fuck yourself!"

The 1979 Iran hostage crisis didn't produce too many feel-good stories.  What was originally intended as a quick storming of the U.S. Tehran embassy compound to make a point soon turned into an intensely ugly 400+ day standoff.

While the movie takes some  liberties with the rescue attempt itself - there were no last-minute near misses for dramatic effect - the depiction of the Foreign Service itself is fairly accurate.

Argo serves as a good counterpoint to those who think diplomatic work is all cocktail parties and not paying parking tickets. People forget that we work very conspicuously in almost every country in the world, relying on a few Marine guards and an international treaty to protect us against the combined animus of entire nations at a time. If those Marines and that piece of paper aren't enough, good luck...

My New Uniform

Flag Day

 Mexico.

Flag Day is one of the more cherished traditions within the State Department. At the end (or rather, near the end) of every A-100 class, there's a ruthlessly efficient way for handing out assignments and avoiding nasty confrontations from dissatisfied FSOs at the same time.

The ceremony is fairly simple and rarely takes more than half an hour. The  newly-minted FSOs and their assorted family and friends gather in an auditorium. A table laden with flags is brought out and the new officers are called up one by one to receive their assignment and a small flag.

One after the other, my classmates heard their names and strode up to learn where they'd be spending the next two years. Some were thrilled. Most were contented. A few seemed surprised but gamely plowed through.  

The A-100 coordinators played a little trick on me - I had listed one of the Mexico spots as my #1 choice. Alas, another person got it first. I was the absolute last person to be called (just like kickball) and there was only one flag, Mexico, left on the table. And to my surprise...it was that very post I had wanted! They'd added another slot without telling us.

Tea Hounds and Cookie Pushers

After the Rogers Act of 1924, there was a general hope that the Foreign Service would become more professional and not serve simply as a sinecure for rich boys from Yale:

Hugh Gibson, our minister [ambassador] to Finland, advocates chasing the tea hounds and cookie pushers out of the diplomatic service, but who, then would compete in the matrimonial market with foreign noblemen for our heiresses? - The Washington Post, 18 January 1924

 As a tea-hound, cookie-pusher, and heiress-seeker, I resemble that remark...