The Foreign Service on Stage: Madama Butterfly

In Puccini's masterpiece Madama Butterfly an innocent young Japanese girl is seduced (well, bought) by a caddish American naval officer who quickly abandons here. While she waits patiently for his return, her one line of communication is the American Consul, Sharpless.

Poor Sharpless has a pretty thankless role, both in the drama and in the opera. He must be the perpetual bearer of bad news and has no arias and very little memorable music (except the 'Letter Duet' with Cio-Cio San). He is usually depicted as a good-hearted but feckless bureaucrat, overdress and out of shape.

So it seems that art often imitates life...

A Few More Words

214(b): Intending Immigrant, AKA the Consular Officer's best friend. Allows officers to reject non-immigrant visa applications because they believe the person will not return to their home country in a timely manner.  The majority of NIV refusals are 214(b).

Amcit: American Citizen.

ACS: American Citizen Services. The section of Consular Affairs that deals with American citizens abroad. Birth certificates, lost passports, prison visits etc.

CLO: Community Liaison Officer. In charge of social planning and wellness activities for the mission community.

EER: Employee Evaluation Report. The annual review all FSOs must go through.

EFM: Eligible Family Member. Refers to dependents of FSOs who can share their housing, transport, and receive priority for certain in-mission jobs.

FLO: Family Liaison Office. Usually an EFM, in charge of community activities and services for families with children.

 IV/NIV: Immigrant/Non-Immigrant Visas.

IWP: Interview Waiver Program, by which someone who has a valid US visa can renew it without going through the interview process.

LES: Locally employed staff. Refers to the non-US workers who make up the majority of the workforce in most foreign missions. Also known as FSNs (Foreign Service Nationals).

TDY:  Temporary duty. Describes when an FS professional is sent to another mission on a short-term basis.

VLA: Visa Lookout and Accountability. A program to review visa issuances to ensure that consular officers are not issuing visas to people with prior ineligibilities.

Lake Chapala at Sunset

Mysteries of the Mexican Supermarket

Behold!

Green oranges!

Low sodium salt!

 Oolong tea marked as 'blue tea'!

Where am I?!?!?

A Word About Refugees

I've been seeing a lot of uninformed hysteria (as opposed to well-informed hysteria) flying around the social media lately concerning the Syrian refugee program. Most of these 'concerns' boil down to 'OMG MUSLIMS!', but at heart it's a more basic paranoia of the Different.
 
When people hear that X number of Syrian refugees will be offered asylum, the image in their heads is a huge crowd of dirty, disheveled, swarthy-looking people muttering in some unknowable guttural language standing behind a gate. A uniformed guard opens the door, and they all come pouring in.

Does anybody realize what it takes to get into this country?

Everyone is fingerprinted, photographed, their name and vital data is run through a series of databases and transmitted to numerous federal agencies. They are questioned, often at length, and their education, background, and work history is scrutinized.

And THAT is just for a tourist visa. The refugee application process is slow, exhaustive, and exacting.

Is it CONCEIVABLE that one of the Syrian refugees could do some bad things? Who knows? It's possible that one of the children who got the polio vaccine could grow up to be the next Hitler. It's a nonsensical line of reasoning.

Why Join the Foreign Service? Part II

“To travel is to discover that everyone is wrong about other countries.”

– Aldous Huxley

Mucha Lucha

 I attended my first Mexican wrestling or lucha libre fight, complete with scantily-clad sign-holders, questionably in-shape competitors and brightly-colored wrestling masks. 

Obviously this is much less a genuine competition of wrestling skill than an exhibition. People root for their favorite 'characters' and there are clearly defined good guys and bad guys.

Far more spirited than the lucha libre was the lucha de clases.  We in the 'rich section' were treated to a constant battle of taunts and insults to and from those in the 'cheap seats' (though, of course, the difference in price could not have been more than $1 or $2 American). The mildest was probably "Pobres, pobres! Tu madre es mi criada (Hey, poor people! Your mother is my maid)!" The irony, of course is that none of Mexico's genuine burguesia would be caught dead at a lucha libre fight. The antagonisms seemed to be entirely posturing.  

Bread of the Dead

To the people of New York, Paris, or London, "death" is a word that is never pronounced because it burns the lips. The Mexican, however, frequents it, jokes about it, caresses it, sleeps with it, celebrates it; it is one of his favorite toys and most steadfast love. Of course, in his attitude perhaps there is as much fear as there is in one of the others; at least he does not hide it; he confronts it face to face with patience, disdain, or irony.

Octavio Paz, 'The Labyrinth of Solitude

This is pan de muerto (literally, dead man's bread):

Last weekend was El Dia de los Muertos here in Guadalajara.  For the most part, this is a solemn occasion dedicated to the memory of those we have lost. Families visit the cemetery and bring small altars to the departed, on which they place photos of the deceased along with treats they had enjoyed in life (cookies, tequila, etc.).

That side of Dia de los Muertos is not visible to outsiders. What we do see is a carnival-like celebration somewhat reminiscent of Halloween, with a much stronger emphasis on the 'death' aspect rather than playing dress-up. Kids paint their faces to look like skeletons and eat sugar skulls called calabritas:

All in all, a good time.

Congressional Tantrums

The State Department is a frequent punching bag for congressional grandstanders who want to punish the Administration without offending their constituents. Once way to do this is to hold up ambassadorial nominations for little or no reason. Viz:

Mexican Post Held Hostage Over Cuba

Republican presidential candidate Marco Rubio and fellow Sen. Robert Menendez, both angry over the Obama administration’s diplomatic opening to Cuba, are now targeting America’s ties to a far more important neighbor: Mexico. 

At issue is who, if anyone, will serve as the next U.S. ambassador in Mexico City during the final year of Barack Obama’s presidency. 

In June, the administration nominated Roberta Jacobson, the State Department’s assistant secretary for Western Hemisphere affairs, who helped lead the negotiations that re-established U.S. diplomatic ties to Cuba. But her confirmation has been held up in the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, with the vote postponed earlier this month. 

The committee is expected to vote in favor of Jacobson during its next business meeting, but the nomination is then likely to languish indefinitely on the Senate floor unless Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) deems it a priority. 

The holdup, sources familiar with the committee said, centers directly on Jacobson’s work on Cuba.

So one of our immediate neighbors and biggest trading partners goes without an ambassadors because some people want to brush up on their anti-Cuban bona fides. Well, if that's not statesmanship I don't know what is. 

Hola, Patricia

Sheesh. One week here and they've already got a hurricane...

Sorry I haven't updated for a while. I've been engaged in a flurry of settling-activities, combined with the lack of Internet in my apartment. Add to which, the 'strongest hurricane in recorded history' is currently barreling towards Mexico's Pacifuc coast.

Am I worried? Well, Guadalajara is far enough from the water that Patricia should lose strength once it gets here. One the other hand, drainage infrastructure is notoriously bad here and flooding is a possibility.

I may be called in to help with stranded/distressed Americans over the weekend. We shall see.

UPDATE: The hurricane was something of a letdown. A bit of rain, strong winds. Luckily it managed to miss major populated areas and was disrupted by passing over the mountains.

Why Join the Foreign Service?

The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only one page.

- St. Augustine

And That's a FACT

This blog was on hiatus as I depart for training on how not to get killed overseas. Specifically, Foreign Affairs Counter Threat (FACT) training.

I won't go into too much detail on the training itself. First aid, self-defense, that kind of thing. Sometimes fun, often stressful.

That was nothing, though, compared to my arranged marriage. When I arrived at the hotel the clerk told me "OK sir, we've put you in a room with your wife."

"What?"

"Your wife, Meg."

"Uh...."

I eventually convinced them that I and this Meg person were not married. But it didn't stop them from telling Meg (whose last name is similar, not even identical, to mine) the same thing and giving her my room key. When she arrived and saw my stuff everywhere (I was out) she was able to get herself a different room - but of course when I got back MY room key didn't work.

I just love the fact that State would ASSUME two people with kind of similar last names are married and room them together without even bothering to ask. 

Now the serious packing begins.

Things I Learned in ConGen

- Consuls cannot touch money (or gifts) ever. If someone drops a rose petal under our window we have to give it back

- Most forgeries are clumsy and easy to detect

- The cuteness of working in a make-believe country (The Republic of Z) that starts all their names with Z (Zug, ZAweet, etc.) wears off quickly 

- Nobody could possibly memorize the FAM

- Roleplays are fun. Maybe my true talent is acting...

When the going gets tough...

...Congress suggests we give up and go home.

A certain member of Congress, upon discovering that violence exists in Mexico, has decided that the best thing would be to abandon diplomatic relations and evacuate everyone:

Mica on Mexico Border Violence: Close All US Consulates

Expressing astonishment at border patrol arrests of criminals and violence in Mexico, U.S. Rep. John Mica, R-Winter Park, called Wednesday for the United States to close all its consulates in Mexico.

Mica spoke at a meeting of the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform, during a hearing on Mexico violence and U.S. border security. He was responding primarily to testimony given by Brandon Judd, president of the National Border Patrol Council, a union affiliate of the American Federation of Government Employees.

Mica said he was astonished. He also expressed outrage regarding other testimony given Wednesday about specific acts of violence in Mexico, and concerns that it was spreading into the United States.
The committee chairman, U.S. Rep. Jason E Chaffetz, R-Utah, had called the hearing in part to discuss the prospect of closing three U.S. consulates in the most dangerous border crossing areas in  Mexico. Mica upped that proposal.

"There has to be consequences. How many consulates do we have? I count about nine in Mexico. Is that right? I think we should close every one of those consulates immediately. Put the properties up for sale," Mica said. "I think you have to have consequences for actions. The place is out of control."

Now, without ignoring the very real issues of diplomatic security that are essential to an effective Foreign Service, let's keep a few things in mind.

One, while there is violence in Mexico, it remains far less dangerous than plenty of other countries with an American diplomatic presence even within Latin America (Honduras, Guatemala etc.)

Two, U.S. diplomats live and work in some of the most secure places of even the more dangerous countries. 

Three, there is no such thing as absolute security. You can be stationed in Finland and slip on a patch of ice.  

ConGen!

Computer trouble has prevented me from posting earlier; I'll do my best.

I've spent the last few weeks learning about visas (immigrant and non-immigrant). Did you know:

- There is (as you may have suspected) a 'celebrity visa' for famous people?

- There is also a visa specifically designed for people to come and work at DisneyWorld?

- That Filipinos wishing to bring their brothers or sisters with them to America can expect a wait of TWENTY-THREE YEARS?

Solitary Confinement

Michael Sestak was just sentenced to 64 months in prison. 

Most people haven't heard of him, but he's notorious in the consular world. During his time as the non-immigrant visa chief in Ho Chi Minh City, Sestak sold hundreds of U.S. visas to Vietnamese nationals who didn't qualify for them.

In his defense, Sestak's lawyer sought to drum up sympathy by depicting him as someone who just wanted to be loved:

Most significantly, when Michael arrived in Vietnam, his personal life was totally unfulfilling. Within his first year assigned to Vietnam, Michael turned 40. Michael was unmarried, had no children, and no serious prospects for finding someone to share life together... In both Spain and Poland, Michael had a girlfriend that he met towards the end of his tour. Unable to further develop these relationships in such a short amount of time, Michael arrived at his next assignment unaccompanied. It was during these transitions that Michael began to question the meaning of life and finding true happiness.

People react to loneliness in different ways. Some eat too much ice cream. Some binge-watch Netflix. Some adopt cats. And some...sell $3.3 million worth of fraudulent visas.

Also, I know it's not PC but...if Mike felt alone in Vietnam, as a not-too-old white guy with a decent salary and a dip passport, he must've been completely hopeless as an individual. Because, come on.

I can only hope State doesn't take this too much to heart, otherwise I'd better get married in the next 5 years if I don't want to lose that security clearance.

Out of the Language Maze

My language training has ended and I have been judged a '3' level in both speaking and reading.

A 3/3 is not an 'average' score - it denotes professional ability. A 4/4 or a 5/5 would be equivalent to a well-educated native speaker.

There is a certain amount of suspicion surrounding the language testing  at FSI - many people feel the scoring is arbitrary or only tests the 'formality' of one's language skills and not one's ability to communicate.

Others say that the whole thing is a scheme to create work for the language teachers. Very few students are allowed to pass on the first try, while almost everyone who has gone through FSI training is waved through (supposedly) regardless of their ability.

Rumors aside, I'm done with it for the moment. I have also liberated myself from 'language probation', meaning I am eligible for tenure after three years.

On to Consular training!

Some Foreign Service Blogs of Note

Diplopundit

The flagship anonymous Foreign Service blog.

Foreign Service Problems

Entertaining Tumblr describing common annoyances of the Foreign Service life.

Diplo Denizen

By former FSO James Bruno.

Travel Orders

FSO in Guadalajara.

A Form For Everything

FSOs (and other government officials) who travel have to fill out voucher forms to cover/reimburse their expenses.

When I say 'travel', I really mean it. No trip is too unusual to fall outside this rule. If I have to fill out forms to visit Mexico, I certainly have to fill out forms to visit the moon:

 

That's right. This is Buzz Aldrin's official travel form documenting his start and end pints as well as his mode of transportation:

• Cape Kennedy, Florida to Moon: Government Spacecraft
• Moon to Cape Kennedy, Florida: Government Spacecraft

Now, technically Aldrin never stayed on the moon, but that's a minor quibble.  The form also notes that all of Aldrin's meals and lodging are covered during the travel period.  

I wonder what the moon's per diem rate is?

The Foreign Service on Screen: The Brink

Ladies and gentleman, The Brink. Starring Jack Black as buffoonish USAID official Alex Talbot, Assif Mandvi as his Pakistani friend/driver Rafiq Massoud and Tim Robbins as the skirt-chasing Secretary of State.

The first season is set in Pakistan, where a major political crisis is underway following a coup. So far the show seems to be aiming for a cross between Madame Secretary, Doctor Strangelove and Animal House. 

Now, to be clear...USAID officials don't work for the State Department. USAID is an independent agency with a foreign policy directive that serves under the Secretary of State. Confusing?

The American ambassador to Pakistan (John Larquette) frequently mentions how much he'd like to fire Talbot - something ambassadors don't have the authority to do. Hiring and dismissal are both strictly controlled processes.

So far it's a bit uneven. The mix of low comedy (sex jokes, pee jokes etc.) and high political drama don't always jibe convincingly.

El Regreso de Cuba

 So now we have a full Embassy in Cuba again.

Of course, we've had an 'interests section' for quite some time. The shift, however, is important as it signals a return to normal state of relations. It will be some time, however, before things can be truly normal again.

There s the usual huffing and puffing from people who think that we're doing the Cubans any good by maintaining a Cold War mentality into the 21st century.  Some Congresspeople have threatened to block funding for the 'new embassy', completely ignorant that we already have one.

This is obviously very good news for people who believe in diplomacy, and a defeat for those who want to give an obviously failed policy another 50 years to work.

The Ambassadors

What is Diplomacy? Part III

To say nothing, especially when speaking, is half the art of diplomacy.

- Will Durant

Se Habla Espanol

Sit tight, folks. I'm in Language Training. Spanish, to be exact, and will be for the next six weeks.

I can't promise too many riveting posts about use of the subjunctive. I'll find something to talk about. 

The Foreign Service on Stage: The Merry Widow

Die Lustige Witwe (The Merry WIdow) is a comic opera by Franz Lehar. It tells the story of the tiny European country of 'Pontevedro'. At their embassy in Paris, all the Pontevedran notables are terrified that Hanna Glawari (the 'merry widow' of the title), whose late husband was the richest man in the duchy, will re-marry and give her fortune to a foreigner, which would bankrupt the nation.

The image of diplomatic service (exemplified by the song above) is the old one. Top hats, champagne parties,white gloves. International intrigue solved by a few waltzes and a chorus.

Thing is, it used to rather be like that. Diplomatic posts were not usually paid, meaning that only independently wealthy people could apply for them. People were generally motivated more by the prestige of hobnobbing with other high society types abroad rather than the opportunity to serve their country.

The Merry Widow may not be particularly deep but it's fun and lighthearted and a relic of a simpler time when high politics was a game.

I Have Been Voted Most Likely...

...to cause an international incident!

Thank you to all my A-100 colleagues who saw the potential in me.

You have to make name for yourself somehow.

Single in the Service

 

Reading novels by Graham Greene, you'd think the life of the Brit or American abroad was an endless whirl of love affairs with delicate young women who have no thoughts of their own. Not so!

It's not particularly easy being single in any time or place, but the Foreign Service has many of the difficulties of the transient, expat life combined with certain restrictions on who you can associate with and under what circumstances.

Your spouse will probably be forced to give up his/her career and follow you around, kids in tow. Obviously this is a bigger problem for the highly ambitious, but even the more easily contented may find it difficult to find suitable employment depending on where you get posted.

The divorce rate is high and many have trouble forming meaningful, lasting relationships. You're a 'catch' - good salary, prestige, a certain amount of status depending on that country's relationship to the United States - but that leads you to doubt your partner's intentions.

Avoid that route and marry another FSO, and you could very easily get split up for years at a time. The State Department tries to keep 'tandem' couples together, but they make no promises.

For women, especially, it can be challenging. Cultural attitudes don't always welcome working women, and the American population may be more interested in local girls. A not particularly funny joke goes like this:

How can you tell where FSOs served their first tour?

For men, look at his wife.
For women, look at her furniture.

Har har har. It's good furniture though. 

Diplomatic Immunity!

IT'S JUST BEEN REVOKED.

So...rather than do another 'Foreign Service on Screen' post, I thought I'd take a minute to examine this sticky little issue of diplomatic immunity. What is it, how do you get it, and why do we have it at all?

According to the Vienna Convention, all people accorded diplomatic status are inviolate in their persons and exempt from all laws and taxes of the host nation. This means they cannot be arrested, searched, or threatened.

Pretty neat, huh? This does NOT mean, in practice, that you have carte blanche. Rob banks, drive 90 in a 30 mile zone, shoot up heroin in the street and you might find yourself in trouble. For one thing, diplomatic immunity doesn't stop bullets. If someone acts in self-defense and shoots you, you're still dead. Even before it gets that serious your diplomatic privileges are still dependent on the host government and can be revoked at any time. Persona non grata exists for this very reason.

Diplomatic immunity was created as a means of protecting the messenger. If countries were afraid that their representatives would be harmed, they wouldn't be able to convey their messages clearly and accurately. When the Spartans threw the Persian ambassador down a well, their next ambassador altered and softened his message, and it became impossible for the Spartans to send their own ambassador to Xerxes.

I've never seen Lethal Weapon 2, but any diplomat who went around killing people would be taken down very quickly. Add to that, the diplomat in question was a consular diplomat. That doesn't necessarily mean he adjudicated visas; it means he was attached to a consulate rather than an embassy. This means that he didn't even have full diplomatic immunity; it only extended to actions related to his work duties. Shooting cops probably wasn't covered.

Do people abuse diplomatic immunity? Very much so. Most famously, in the millions of dollars in unpaid parking tickets around the United Nations.  Annoying as that may be, it is a necessary evil to protect the international system.

Puns Make the World Go Round

La Cucaracha

 
The things you learn in Area Studies...

Recognize him? It's General Victoriano Huerta, former dictator of Mexico. Killer of Francisco Madero, Mexico's first democratically elected president.  Betrayer of the Revolution. EVERYBODY in Mexico hated this guy.  He only lasted a couple of years, from 1913 to 1914.

He was the 'cockroach' which gave us the famous song. But I've often wondered why the lyrics go The cockroach, the cockroach / can't walk anymore/ because he lacks, he doesn't have / any marijuana to smoke. Doesn't marijuana make you more likely to lay around and eat Doritos than go on the march?

It's actually a classic case of mistaking cause for effect. Marijuana is noted for its calming affects and is sometimes prescribed for treating PTSD. As such, it was often smoked by soldiers to recover from battle. People who were unfamiliar with cannabis assumed that it was making the soldiers violent (which also gave us the movie Reefer Madness) and that they smoked it to rile themselves up.

EDIT: I have been informed that 'La Cucaracha' is a song of vague and uncertain origins and it probably had nothing to do with Huerta, though it later came to be identified with him, and the Mexican Revolution generally.

What is Diplomacy? Part II

ROSENCRANTZ: Who is the English King?

GUILDENSTERN: That depends on when we get there.

ROSENCRANTZ: What do you think [the letter] says? 

GUILDENSTERN:  Oh...greetings.  Expressions of loyalty. Asking of favours, calling in of debts. Obscure promises balanced by vague threats....Diplomacy.

- Tom Stoppard, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead

Area Studies

Occasionally curious people ask me: just what training do you need to become a diplomat?

The answer, like many things at the State Department, is 'It depends.' The main variables are your cone and country, which are the main things determining your responsibilities.

In general, there are three categories of instruction: area studies, language, and job training. Language is self-explanatory. Job training comes later. We begin with area studies.

Put simply, area studies is two weeks of history and culture relating to your post country and the region it belongs to, in my case Mexico and WHA (Western Hemisphere Affairs, encompassing the Americas and Caribbean).

So, how can you gain working knowledge of a country or region in only two weeks? Simple, YOU DON'T. The classes are meant to give you the most basic of backgrounds and point you in the general direction of further study.

The Foreign Service on Screen: Argo

"Argo fuck yourself!"

The 1979 Iran hostage crisis didn't produce too many feel-good stories.  What was originally intended as a quick storming of the U.S. Tehran embassy compound to make a point soon turned into an intensely ugly 400+ day standoff.

While the movie takes some  liberties with the rescue attempt itself - there were no last-minute near misses for dramatic effect - the depiction of the Foreign Service itself is fairly accurate.

Argo serves as a good counterpoint to those who think diplomatic work is all cocktail parties and not paying parking tickets. People forget that we work very conspicuously in almost every country in the world, relying on a few Marine guards and an international treaty to protect us against the combined animus of entire nations at a time. If those Marines and that piece of paper aren't enough, good luck...

My New Uniform

Flag Day

 Mexico.

Flag Day is one of the more cherished traditions within the State Department. At the end (or rather, near the end) of every A-100 class, there's a ruthlessly efficient way for handing out assignments and avoiding nasty confrontations from dissatisfied FSOs at the same time.

The ceremony is fairly simple and rarely takes more than half an hour. The  newly-minted FSOs and their assorted family and friends gather in an auditorium. A table laden with flags is brought out and the new officers are called up one by one to receive their assignment and a small flag.

One after the other, my classmates heard their names and strode up to learn where they'd be spending the next two years. Some were thrilled. Most were contented. A few seemed surprised but gamely plowed through.  

The A-100 coordinators played a little trick on me - I had listed one of the Mexico spots as my #1 choice. Alas, another person got it first. I was the absolute last person to be called (just like kickball) and there was only one flag, Mexico, left on the table. And to my surprise...it was that very post I had wanted! They'd added another slot without telling us.

Tea Hounds and Cookie Pushers

After the Rogers Act of 1924, there was a general hope that the Foreign Service would become more professional and not serve simply as a sinecure for rich boys from Yale:

Hugh Gibson, our minister [ambassador] to Finland, advocates chasing the tea hounds and cookie pushers out of the diplomatic service, but who, then would compete in the matrimonial market with foreign noblemen for our heiresses? - The Washington Post, 18 January 1924

 As a tea-hound, cookie-pusher, and heiress-seeker, I resemble that remark...

Say it Ain't So, George!

Interesting article in The New Republic about George F. Kennan, far and away one of the most admired America diplomats of the last century.

In contrast to his reputation as a cool and sober analyst par excellence, historian Perry Anderson depicts Kennan as an unhinged and extreme thinker, advocating a litany of kooky and aggressive schemes from outlawing the Italian Communist Party (which Kennan admitted might lead to a military rebellion) to invading Iran in 1979.

The real problem, according to the article, is not that Kennan was more of a reactionary Cold Warrior than previously thought. The problem is that esteemed diplomats and statesmen tend to be infected with Big Picture-itis. They think, in the words of Simon Bolivar, in terms of centuries, and see the world in terms of continents. This means that individual countries, much less individual lives, have little meaning.

This outlook is plainly evident (says Anderson) not only in realpolitikers such as Henry Kissinger but more moderate figures like John Lewis Gaddis arguing that the career of George W. Bush was “one of the most surprising transformations of an underrated national leader since Prince Hal became Henry V" or Zbigniew Brzezinski proposing a scheme whereby “European youth could repopulate and dynamize Siberia."

I have never witnessed such grandiosity in the halls of the State Department or among my colleagues. But there is still time!

Off Site and Out of Mind

Time to escape that stuffy classroom and get out....to a stuffy hotel! This is the 'off-site', the bonding and esprit de corps-strengthening time when we all go to a moderately priced hotel and eat mediocre food....together!

After a series of team-building exercises (often involving blindfolds) we passed a reflective night of drinking and karaoke in preparation of the next day.

For you see, this morning was the Embassy Simulation. We were divided into our respective sections and given a series of escalating crises to deal with. In the consular section, we had everything from anti-American protestors to fussy visa applicants to distraught US citizens looking for their lost relatives.They threw everything they had at us.

Also the Ambassador had a rabid civet loose in her office. Not a real one, presumably - I wasn't invited to deal with that particular case.

A Few Words

I do my best to avoid jargon, however working for a government bureaucracy always includes heavy use of code-words and acronyms. Here are a few of the more useful:

Bid: The process by which FSOs secure their next assignments.

Charge D'affaires: The 'unofficial' head of a Mission in absence of an Ambassador.

CODEL: Congressional Delegation. An official visit by a member or members of Congress to a foreign country.

Cone: One of the five general roles an FSO might take. They are: Consular, Political, Economic, Public Diplomacy, and Management. 

Corridor Reputation: How FSOs are considered by their peers during the bidding and training process.

DCM: Deputy Chief of Mission. The second-in-command of a Mission.

Differential: The pay increase paid to FSOs for serving in remote, unpleasant, or dangerous countries. Ranges from 5% to 35%,  Danger and Hardship pay are separate and cumulative.

ELO: Entry-Level Officer.

FSO: Foreign Service Officer. A diplomat. Different from an FSS because FSOs are considered 'generalists' and can serve in any one of the five Cones.

FSS: Foreign Service Specialist, A diplomat with a specific role at a given embassy, such as Human Resources, Security, IT etc.

Mission: People sent to represent a foreign government. Usually includes Embassies, Consulates, and all their staff.

PNG: Persona non grata (unwelcome person). A term used to describe when a country revokes the diplomatic privileges of a foreign official and asks them to leave the country under threat of arrest. State Department types often use it as a verb ("He got PNGed out of the country").

The Foreign Service on Screen: Blue Jasmine

Typical FSO

Generally, Hollywood has been pretty light on depictions of diplomats in action. This is not a surprise: the behind-the-scenes work of most embassies looks fairly dull and bureaucratic from the outside. When members of the Foreign Service do appear it's usually in the form of ambassadors and Special Envoys and other sexier, flashier roles.

Occasionally, though, one of the Lower Orders does sneak in. Blue Jasmine, one of Woody Allen's more recent efforts, tells the story of the titular Jasmine, the widow of a crooked billionaire who has fallen on hard times and must rely on the support of her much-maligned working class sister. In short, it's an updated version of A Streetcar Named Desire.

Along the way, Jasmine meets Dwight (Peter Sarsgaard), who really does introduce himself by humbly saying "I work for the State Department." We don't, I think, ever get his actual title. What 'working for the State Department'  means, apparently, is that he gets regular postings to Paris and Vienna, has high political ambitions, and has scads of money to spend on decorating his enormous bayside mansion.

Really, Dwight? No postings to Mexico City, or Riga, or Accra, or even Port Moresby? Where are you getting the money for that giant house? And why do you have so much free time to hobnob around San Francisco?

In a way, it's nice to know that people still think of being a diplomat as a glamorous and desirable profession. Not doing much for our image as pin-striped cookie pushers, though.

What is Diplomacy?

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!" until you can find a rock.

- Will Rogers

The State Department Goes to Hill

 

Capitol Hill, that is...yes, it's a pretty obvious joke.

The system of making  various government bureaucracies work together - coyly known as 'the inter-agency process' -  is rarely more contentious than between any Executive branch department and Congress. At least with Defense or Justice we get the impression that they WANT to work together, even if they have a completely different perspective and way of doing things.

Not so Congress. The State Department is a relatively small agency with no local constituency and a reputation for being a bunch of snooty intellectuals and hippies. This makes us an easier target for anything and everything that might go wrong in foreign policy - much better than the military. We don't wear uniforms and we don't usually put ourselves directly in harm's way (though it happens more than you might think).

On top of this, all embassies are charged with running CODELS - Congressional Delegations. Any high-level visit is a logistical pain in the neck, but CODELS are notorious for being junkets in disguise.

In return, Congress is aware of how they are seen and are incredibly defensive and touchy about this (as they are about everything). I have not run any CODELS myself. I can hardly wait.

Lingua Diplomatica

An old joke goes like this:

What do you call someone who speaks three languages?

Trilingual.

Two languages?

Bilingual.

One?

American.

Naturally as suave international diplomats we are expected to be slightly more worldly. The State Department requires that all FSOs become reasonably fluent in at least one foreign language within five years, and two languages at some point in their careers.

In the old days, of course, this was simple: all diplomatic communication was in French. As recently as the 1980s, the official complaint filed by the US government against Iran for the seizure of the US Embassy and staff in Tehran (in violation of the Vienna Convention) was written by the US in English and French, and the response from the Iranians in Farsi and French.

Now, people are expected to converse in each others' native tongue. Language classes are given at FSI and students are graded from 0 (no knowledge) to 5 (academic fluency).

The Good Old Days

Getting Your First Post

People sometimes ask how diplomats get their assignments. Once one gets beyond the first couple of tours, the FSO has a certain amount of control - they can bid on any available job and see what sticks. They cannot be assigned to any job they didn't specifically apply for.

Entry-Level Officers (ELOs) have it different. Our first two tours are 'directed', meaning we have to be ready for whatever is available.

The first time out, we draw up a list of personal concerns. Examples of this may include:

- Desire to learn a new language/improve a current one
- Family concerns (needs a school for the kids, job for the spouse etc.)
- Career goals
- Taste

These are weighed against the needs of the service, such as:

- Matching language-speakers to the relevant post
- Getting people with the right experience/in the right cone
- Which posts need people right away
- not wasting training on those who won't need/use it again

Somehow, the Career Development Officers hash out a resolution that will anger/terrify the fewest number of people.